R.I.P.X.T.

During Christmas time we started asking Celia what she was gonna ask Santa for.

"What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas??"
- " A BIIIIIIGGG Christmas Treeeee!"

During that time, she got to visit Santa at the mall a few times with both sets of grandparents, and each time the Santas asked her what she wanted she'd say:

" A BIIIIGGG Christmas TREEEE!"

She said they asked her what else she wanted, and she would reply "nothing". "Just a tree".

Ok. We thought that'd be easy. For the most part, it was. It was probably 2 days before Christmas and we were starting to feel real guilty that we hadn't gotten our kid the only thing she really wanted yet. We ended up getting a much too expensive tree in the rain - but was worth it. On the way home she was sooo happy. Effie was sooo excited too, and when we put it up in the living room they stayed there all night, hugging and smelling the tree.

I looked at that tree today, and funny thing is - it actually still smelled. (no.. it didn't smell foochy - it smelled like a Christmas Tree).

Oh yeah - you must be wondering "WHAT THE FUNK WERE YOU STILL DOING WITH A CHRISTMAS TREE IN YOUR HOUSE IN AUGUST?"

Well, Celia's love for her tree made quite an impression on Alex.
These were the reasons (I think) that he put the ornaments back on after I had already removed them, and demanded the tree should stay.

1. Celia loved it so much and we couldn't take it away from her.
2. He wanted to watch the tree transform (not die) but "change".
3. He thought it looked cool.
4. He wanted to pester me.

Whatever the reason - he put the ornaments on the top so the kids would stop trashing them and breaking them all over the house, and then, Celia and Effie helped him redecorate it with 200 feet of cassette "tape" from a destroyed cassette. (which made it difficult for me to remove the lights. Anyhoo... it was there... for a long time.

If you came to Effie's baptismal bash, you might have seen the yellow tree in the living room, tilted, yet still fresh with a pine smell... and if you asked me what it was doing there, I probably ignored you.

When it was time that day for Effie to open her gifts, we were around the tree and Alex's Uncle Serge said :

"Hey Sara! Call Alex so he can see all these presents under the tree - then... maybe he will finally believe that Santa CAME!"

hahahaha. I thought it was funny. A few weeks ago, my neighbor was looking for me and peeping through the window. When I saw her later in the day she said "What the HELL is a Christmas tree still doing in your house". I didn't answer much. Just that - my husband liked it.

But tonight... I was cleaning up, (as usual when the little children fall into the land of slumber) and I looked at the little, wilted, yellow tree, then walked into Alex's dungeon and asked him, "Can I put the tree out now?? There are spiders under it.". He said "Sure". (I think he has Arachnophobia)

Within 9 minutes the tree was de-ornamented and put outside, and during those 9 minutes, I got a little sad.

It did still smell good.
Some people didn't even notice it was there.
Celia still liked telling people how lucky she was that she got to "keep" her tree.

To end this long story - it's gone. (Dad - if you are reading - which I'm sure you are - please tell mom. Maybe I can score some brownie points)

It's sitting next to our driveway (if anyone wants to come take a picture) and it'll be gone when the trashman comes on Tuesday. (I bet he'll be a bit baffled)

Honestly, I will miss it a little, but I'm actually really glad I ended up getting rid of it, cuz a 3 month overdue VHS tape from the Glendale library that I had been looking for was hidden underneath it.

Subbing

Ok. OK. I just blogged like 2 minutes ago, but something came to mind, and it's freaggin early by my new life standards and I haven't even had coffee yet. Wait. Maybe I should get a cup so I can keep it together. Naw.. I think I'll handle it ok. The only problem I may have is spelling correctly cuz I'm blind (not as blind as Monica). The reason I know I'm blind is cuz today I told a girl I loved her "ALF" t-shirt. When she said "this is Hannah Montana" I thought to myself "Opps. I do need a new prescription".

Anyway - way way way besides the point there. Sorry.

Subbing. Sara the Sub. Substitute teaching. It's been 2 months since I've subbed. I don't really miss it, cuz my babies are too much fun, and I usually feel too guilty subbing cuz it's a damn easy job where I work, but the reason I do blog is because I am a substitute teacher.

I needed a way to post the pictures of the kids I sub for, and I thought, why not post them, and write something too right? RIGHT!

When I was in high school, we had lots of crappy substitute teachers. We did though have one great one, who was about 96 years old, and wore the same suit and tie, and who was an avid reader of "Dear Abby". He'd stand up, read a "Dear Abby" letter, laugh, and say "Can you believe that?". I really do think he must have been my inspiration to do what I do now. When you have a crappy teacher, there was just nothing like seeing that sub walk in your room. It's like seeing an angel.

Alex told me that when they had subs who would show videos, someone in class would have an extra remote around to keep fast forwarding, or shut off the movie, making the sub all frantic and crazy. See - this is what I mean ! Substitute teachers sometimes = FUN!

Since Alex and I are both subs, we both share the same tricks of the trade. I can not list too many of the tricks, but the first rule is "Take out a pen, or pencil, and a notebook and keep it out at all times, and LOOK BUSY!". If you are a student of ours, you know how often this rule is broken, but at least we try.

Again, most of this is besides the point. What I am trying to get at is why I draw people.

First of all, subbing can be REALLY REALLY boring. After the first 30 seconds of the initial euphoria we bring to the students who forgot their homework that day, everything else is downhill. You should see some of the excitement we bring. Kids yelling up and down the hall that their teacher is gone. Some kids fall to their knees thanking Jesus that their teacher is not there and we are. But after awhile - most kids forget we are there. They use the opportunity of having a sub to gossip, put on makeup, sleep, or "go to the library" - yeah right.

So drawing kids came from boredom. Working at an artsy fartsy school comes in handy for me, so during the dull moments, I ask a kid who can draw to have a "draw off". We draw each other and then I get to say "mine's better". Ok, sometimes mine do suck, but that's where they come from.

Portraits make people happy. Some people may or may not have gone to Knott's Berry Farm to have their caricature done, and for those who haven't I bring happiness. The pictures you see here, are of kids I get to stare at for 5-15 minutes at a time, and while we look at each other, I get to scribble, stare, erase, and chat. It takes away the usual monotony of sitting in front of a bunch of pubescent sleepyheads.

Other subs read the newspaper. Some act like Commando or Hitler. Some subs play air guitar, and others play charades. Some subs rap, and some subs sleep. Some subs just press "play". But I ... like to draw.

Bloggin

You don't know how bad I wish I could blog about things I shouldn't and will not blog about. I'm considering making a new blog under a fake name so I can use other fake names to write stories about people I wish I could gossip about, cuz their stories are much more interesting than my own. And don't worry. If you are reading this I'm not talking about you. The people I wish I could chismiar (gossip) about are usually my neighbors who don't read my blog yet - I hope. But whatever.

And for you who are reading - thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad you like reading about the chaos in my life, and I feel like now the pressure is on. I must please you and continue, and since I didn't do the dishes tonight (cuz they were done in the afternoon) I haven't had my usual "stand in front of the window - stare into space - and ponder blog ideas" moment. So I'll try without my dishwashing enlightenment.

It's been another week since I wrote. The day after I told you peeps to "think three time" about having kids, I was able to get out of the house in 30 minutes from waking up the girls. They got up and I immediately put them in front of a bowl of rice crispies topped with chocolate syrup, changed a diaper, wiped another kids butt, and ran out of the house. I don't even remember where we went, but it was fast, and I felt accomplished for 5 minutes. That doesn't last long, when you have a day like today, when it does take over an hour to go somewhere, and I end up walking back into the house 6 different times when the car is on because:

1. forgot deodorant (oh God forbid)
2. left the wipeys on the counter (God forbid you leave the house without these when the kids are drinking yogurt drinks with no straws or sippy cups)
3. forgot Celia's Jaguar Socks (God forbid you try to put on her shoes without them)
4. forgot the peaches (God forbid you don't at least TRY to offer your kids something besides macaroni and cheese in a day).
5. forgot to lock the windows (God forbid someone robs all of Alex's music gear on my account)
6. had to pee again (yes - God forbid I have to try to maneuver 2 kids into a bathroom with me)

You know what. I can't even remember where we went this morning to make life so difficult. I think we went to Home Depot or the park, or something. Either way, it was rough. Effie freaked cuz she spilled water all over herself and her favorite track of "this is halloween" from Nightmare Before Christmas was skipping and Celia freaked cuz when we got to the park she decided she wanted Effie's shoes.

But when you are all on the park bench, and no one is crying, and you are all eating your burritos with beans, eggs, and cheese wrapped in foil, and everyone has shoes on, and you are in the shade, and no one has fallen on their face off the bench (yet), all the madness starts to subside, and you know everything is OK.

We all made it home in one piece today, and besides Effie almost taking a big crap in someone else's pool, there were no major catastrophies. Thank God.

I'm gonna let the weekend take it's course, and write again soon. But as for now, I'm just checking in to let you know, I'm alive, I'm tired, the dishes are done, and now I can do the laundry and say TTFN. Peace out.

Think Twice

Someone once told me a story about someone else telling him not to "think twice" about a decision, but to "think 3 times". I tend to think about it when I talk to people about having kids.

And here's my second disclaimer since starting a blog:

I in no way or form regret having kids.

With that said: I am saying Think Three Times about having children if you like to go places in a timely manner.

Today was a normal summer Tuesday, in which plans were made to visit people, take my viejo to work, eat, go somewhere, etc, and 10am rolled around with very little progress being made to leave the household.

This may give you an idea of how freaggin crazy, stupid, or difficult things may be at times.

Woke up at 7:30
Played with Effie
Took her to the grocery store
Came back
Put away groceries while Effie sat in the car.
(well, not the entire time) (and don't worry, I left the windows down)
Brought Effie in.
Woke up her sister.
Let them watch a movie.
Made bacon, potatoes, eggs.
Called the clan to eat.
Everyone was busy.
I ate alone.
Celia freaked out about a shoe not being tight enough.
Effie wanted me to carry her throughout Celia's entire fiasco.
Alex ate his breakfast.
Begged the children to eat.
Brought Effie to the table.
She ate potatoes.
Meanwhile Celia was screaming on the toilet about something.
I fixed the shoe.
Everyone was happy.
We drew fairies.
While they drew I shoved food in Effie and Celia's mouth.
They realized it was a delicious, fattening breakfast.
They devoured bacon by the mouthfulls.
Effie decided to eat yogurt.
Effie decided to put her fists in the yogurt.
Effie then mixed yogurt with her water.
Effie dumped the mixture onto the table and floor.
Alex said "lets go already on a walk".
I said " I have to bathe. I have'nt in days and Effie has yogurt in her ears"
Celia needed to draw fancy jewlery on her fairy with green marker.
They left the table.
We all managed to get in the shower.
Effie kept falling out because the door opens to easily.
Celia put soap in her eyes - as usual.
Effie put soap in her mouth and eyes - as usual.
I managed to wash my hair with baby soap.
We made it out of the shower.
Appropriate Diego and Dora towels were distributed.
Wet babies jumped on the bed and ran around the house.
Alex gave up on the idea of going anywhere before having to report to the dungeon.
Tooth brushing.
We made it to the bathroom to brush teeth.
Celia wanted to floss first.
Effie needed Celia's toothbrush.
Celia took it back.
Effie wanted to eat toothpaste as usual.
Celia brushed by herself.
Effie fell off the little bench by the sink. As usual.
Time to put on shoes again, cuz pre-shower everyone was wearing different outfits.
Oh yeah, and Effie did manage to pee on the potty in the morning.
Then pee on the bathroom floor before her shower.
So came the counting threats.
"Celia! FIND A DRESS BEFORE I COUNT TO THREE OR YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DISNEYLAND WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA! 1! 2! "
-"OK ok - I"ll take the RED POLKA DOT ONE!"
Not too bad. Got the dress on.
Effie put on a dress.
She decided to then eat cherries.
She put cherrie spit all over her dress while ejecting the pits.
I put her in the car. With no shoes.
Celia came to the car wearing tap shoes 4 sizes too big.
Alex packed the snacks, drinks, got keys, wallets, purses, took out trash.
We made it to the car by 12:15pm.

See what a freaggin morning is like with children? And mind you - I probably left out 114 other big details. Think 3 times.
That's all I can say.

thousands of drunkards

(can you say P.S. before writing something? Well - P.S. - read this now, cuz I'm not sure if I'll keep this blog up here.)

There is just nothing like leaving your children in the hands of professionals to be able to go out and see what the hell actually goes on in the real world. Being amongst thousands of drunk and stoned people in the dark dancing to reggae music is definitely fun, and thanks to those pros I left my kids with, I was able to have some time off.
When I'm at home doing the mommy thing, I rarely think about what I could be missing out on, or what's going on, cuz I don't really care, but I have to admit, I was glad to get out.

Since Alex is a bit clostrophobic, we left our fancy seats at the Hollywood Bowl to wander around while UB40 played. We walked up and down the escalators, and kept going up to the top where all the fun was. There is definitely a different kind of energy when you can see thousands of people in front of you dancing, screaming, and watching a concert. We walked in and out of huge cholo Dodger fans who also loved the song "Red Red Wine" apparently. It was hard getting past the frenzy of people who were dancing the lambada in the isles while we just tried to get a better view from the other side of the hill. Man, it was so fun.

The music was even better than all the crowd excitement. And while I was there, watching, listening, or shoving myself through all the madness, I began to wonder if you can watch concerts from heaven.

When BJ died, they asked me to play the music for his funeral, and I did, and I was also asked to play "Red Red Wine" at the end of the mass. I ran it by the priest, and he kind of oked it as long as it wasn't too loud, and left it for the end, and we did play it. I don't think that many people heard me and Kim sing it, but it was good, and it is a good song, and I'm glad BJ liked it, cuz I do too. It was impossible to be there, listen to that song sound better than I've ever heard, and better than it ever sounded in a cassette tape player, on the radio, or wherever and not think of BJ. How could I not?

So, do you think you can watch concerts from heaven? Well, if you can watch concerts, than you can probably smoke too, and if you can smoke you can probably have a drink as well. If that ends up being true (probably not) then I'm sure he BJ was there, with a Kool in one hand, a beer in the other, and dancing with the cholos.

Well, whatever - Anyhow....I'm just glad I was there, with my man, a Pepsi, my homies, and the thousands of drunkards.

Peeps

Even though I barely see anyone besides my immediate family, most of all my children - I think I have a rare disease. It is called - "talk to everyone you've ever met and meet new people way too much" disease.
With myspace, and facebook, it's way too easy to keep in contact with peeps. I think I take after my pops, in the sense that I K.I.T. with way too many people. I don't mind at all, in fact I'm always curious about peeps. I like peeps. What can I say? If I had more time, I'd probably fill up each day of the month hanging out with a different person, to just blab, gossip, and chillz.
I know almost every single person that lives on my block. I do have some favorites, that's for sure, but for being as social as I am, it seems like I barely ever even see anyone anymore.
There is though, one person I do see every once in awhile, who is my favorite - and that's M.M. (Monica M.)
I was thinking about her today after I woke up from this strange nightmare. She had nothing to do with the nightmare, but I thought about her.
She's been my Best Homey since Kindergarden - and that was 25 freakin years ago - or 26 now? I have no clue - but she has always been my best friend.
Anyhow... I was remembering that once she spent the night, and said to me - "let's try writing with our other hand". So, I took a pen, and started trying to write with my left hand.

It didn't go so well. I was writing like an idiot. Then... I said " monica - it's your turn".
So, she took the pen, grabbed it with her left hand and started writing.
"wow!!!!! You are SOOO good at that!" I couldn't believe that my best friend was ambidextrous. The only person I knew who could do that was my first grade teacher, and I was shocked.

A few minutes later, she was sitting on my bed, busting a gut, then told me she was left handed. And I was like " oh yeah, duh, I forgot". And all that time, I was sitting there trying to be as cool as she was, and attempting to learn the tricks of left hand writing. What a dork I am.

leezard

It's way too early in the morning, and way to late in the night.

Since I haven't done the dishes yet tonight, I have no idea what to blog about. Dishwashing is the only quiet activity I take part in on any given day, and while I stand there, washing, wondering, and whimpering, I tend to come up with an idea about what to write about.

I try to think up something that you might be interested in. According to comments (not posted on the blog), Nala and Simba (Celia's imaginary friends) were a little boring. I guess you are right. But doing dishes, and not knowing what to say can be even more boring.

All the things that interest me are not up for discussion. It would end up being gossip about my family or neighbors or friends, and then they'd read it and get mad at me or something.

Ok then. I just thought of something boring to write about. Here:

Yesterday we went again to the Observatory. We go to say hi to Hershel, the astronomer who stands outside along with Galileo and walk around. While we were walking, we saw a lizard. I was just messing around when tried to catch the little thing, and he didn't run away. So, I picked up this baby lizard and walked around with him. Celia named him "Celia". So, we took him home. The whole car ride, he just sat on my finger and didn't go anywhere. He didn't even look like he was dying. He was a little, baby, happy, lizard, who would look at me and wink. I'm serious!

So we got home and made him a home out of a pyrex bowl, put saran wrap on the top, poked holes in it, and gave him some plants, dirt, a caterpillar, a small bug, and a nice window view. For a few hours I would walk back to his new little home, and check up on "Celia". When I'd see him, he was either walking around, or licking the caterpillar. Well, after about the 6th time that I went to see him, he was gone. Effie had poked her finger through one of the airholes, making a big air hole, thus allowing Celia to escape. So... if you are at my house keep your eye open. I miss the little guy.