Bloggin

You don't know how bad I wish I could blog about things I shouldn't and will not blog about. I'm considering making a new blog under a fake name so I can use other fake names to write stories about people I wish I could gossip about, cuz their stories are much more interesting than my own. And don't worry. If you are reading this I'm not talking about you. The people I wish I could chismiar (gossip) about are usually my neighbors who don't read my blog yet - I hope. But whatever.

And for you who are reading - thanks for the encouragement. I'm glad you like reading about the chaos in my life, and I feel like now the pressure is on. I must please you and continue, and since I didn't do the dishes tonight (cuz they were done in the afternoon) I haven't had my usual "stand in front of the window - stare into space - and ponder blog ideas" moment. So I'll try without my dishwashing enlightenment.

It's been another week since I wrote. The day after I told you peeps to "think three time" about having kids, I was able to get out of the house in 30 minutes from waking up the girls. They got up and I immediately put them in front of a bowl of rice crispies topped with chocolate syrup, changed a diaper, wiped another kids butt, and ran out of the house. I don't even remember where we went, but it was fast, and I felt accomplished for 5 minutes. That doesn't last long, when you have a day like today, when it does take over an hour to go somewhere, and I end up walking back into the house 6 different times when the car is on because:

1. forgot deodorant (oh God forbid)
2. left the wipeys on the counter (God forbid you leave the house without these when the kids are drinking yogurt drinks with no straws or sippy cups)
3. forgot Celia's Jaguar Socks (God forbid you try to put on her shoes without them)
4. forgot the peaches (God forbid you don't at least TRY to offer your kids something besides macaroni and cheese in a day).
5. forgot to lock the windows (God forbid someone robs all of Alex's music gear on my account)
6. had to pee again (yes - God forbid I have to try to maneuver 2 kids into a bathroom with me)

You know what. I can't even remember where we went this morning to make life so difficult. I think we went to Home Depot or the park, or something. Either way, it was rough. Effie freaked cuz she spilled water all over herself and her favorite track of "this is halloween" from Nightmare Before Christmas was skipping and Celia freaked cuz when we got to the park she decided she wanted Effie's shoes.

But when you are all on the park bench, and no one is crying, and you are all eating your burritos with beans, eggs, and cheese wrapped in foil, and everyone has shoes on, and you are in the shade, and no one has fallen on their face off the bench (yet), all the madness starts to subside, and you know everything is OK.

We all made it home in one piece today, and besides Effie almost taking a big crap in someone else's pool, there were no major catastrophies. Thank God.

I'm gonna let the weekend take it's course, and write again soon. But as for now, I'm just checking in to let you know, I'm alive, I'm tired, the dishes are done, and now I can do the laundry and say TTFN. Peace out.

Think Twice

Someone once told me a story about someone else telling him not to "think twice" about a decision, but to "think 3 times". I tend to think about it when I talk to people about having kids.

And here's my second disclaimer since starting a blog:

I in no way or form regret having kids.

With that said: I am saying Think Three Times about having children if you like to go places in a timely manner.

Today was a normal summer Tuesday, in which plans were made to visit people, take my viejo to work, eat, go somewhere, etc, and 10am rolled around with very little progress being made to leave the household.

This may give you an idea of how freaggin crazy, stupid, or difficult things may be at times.

Woke up at 7:30
Played with Effie
Took her to the grocery store
Came back
Put away groceries while Effie sat in the car.
(well, not the entire time) (and don't worry, I left the windows down)
Brought Effie in.
Woke up her sister.
Let them watch a movie.
Made bacon, potatoes, eggs.
Called the clan to eat.
Everyone was busy.
I ate alone.
Celia freaked out about a shoe not being tight enough.
Effie wanted me to carry her throughout Celia's entire fiasco.
Alex ate his breakfast.
Begged the children to eat.
Brought Effie to the table.
She ate potatoes.
Meanwhile Celia was screaming on the toilet about something.
I fixed the shoe.
Everyone was happy.
We drew fairies.
While they drew I shoved food in Effie and Celia's mouth.
They realized it was a delicious, fattening breakfast.
They devoured bacon by the mouthfulls.
Effie decided to eat yogurt.
Effie decided to put her fists in the yogurt.
Effie then mixed yogurt with her water.
Effie dumped the mixture onto the table and floor.
Alex said "lets go already on a walk".
I said " I have to bathe. I have'nt in days and Effie has yogurt in her ears"
Celia needed to draw fancy jewlery on her fairy with green marker.
They left the table.
We all managed to get in the shower.
Effie kept falling out because the door opens to easily.
Celia put soap in her eyes - as usual.
Effie put soap in her mouth and eyes - as usual.
I managed to wash my hair with baby soap.
We made it out of the shower.
Appropriate Diego and Dora towels were distributed.
Wet babies jumped on the bed and ran around the house.
Alex gave up on the idea of going anywhere before having to report to the dungeon.
Tooth brushing.
We made it to the bathroom to brush teeth.
Celia wanted to floss first.
Effie needed Celia's toothbrush.
Celia took it back.
Effie wanted to eat toothpaste as usual.
Celia brushed by herself.
Effie fell off the little bench by the sink. As usual.
Time to put on shoes again, cuz pre-shower everyone was wearing different outfits.
Oh yeah, and Effie did manage to pee on the potty in the morning.
Then pee on the bathroom floor before her shower.
So came the counting threats.
"Celia! FIND A DRESS BEFORE I COUNT TO THREE OR YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DISNEYLAND WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA! 1! 2! "
-"OK ok - I"ll take the RED POLKA DOT ONE!"
Not too bad. Got the dress on.
Effie put on a dress.
She decided to then eat cherries.
She put cherrie spit all over her dress while ejecting the pits.
I put her in the car. With no shoes.
Celia came to the car wearing tap shoes 4 sizes too big.
Alex packed the snacks, drinks, got keys, wallets, purses, took out trash.
We made it to the car by 12:15pm.

See what a freaggin morning is like with children? And mind you - I probably left out 114 other big details. Think 3 times.
That's all I can say.

thousands of drunkards

(can you say P.S. before writing something? Well - P.S. - read this now, cuz I'm not sure if I'll keep this blog up here.)

There is just nothing like leaving your children in the hands of professionals to be able to go out and see what the hell actually goes on in the real world. Being amongst thousands of drunk and stoned people in the dark dancing to reggae music is definitely fun, and thanks to those pros I left my kids with, I was able to have some time off.
When I'm at home doing the mommy thing, I rarely think about what I could be missing out on, or what's going on, cuz I don't really care, but I have to admit, I was glad to get out.

Since Alex is a bit clostrophobic, we left our fancy seats at the Hollywood Bowl to wander around while UB40 played. We walked up and down the escalators, and kept going up to the top where all the fun was. There is definitely a different kind of energy when you can see thousands of people in front of you dancing, screaming, and watching a concert. We walked in and out of huge cholo Dodger fans who also loved the song "Red Red Wine" apparently. It was hard getting past the frenzy of people who were dancing the lambada in the isles while we just tried to get a better view from the other side of the hill. Man, it was so fun.

The music was even better than all the crowd excitement. And while I was there, watching, listening, or shoving myself through all the madness, I began to wonder if you can watch concerts from heaven.

When BJ died, they asked me to play the music for his funeral, and I did, and I was also asked to play "Red Red Wine" at the end of the mass. I ran it by the priest, and he kind of oked it as long as it wasn't too loud, and left it for the end, and we did play it. I don't think that many people heard me and Kim sing it, but it was good, and it is a good song, and I'm glad BJ liked it, cuz I do too. It was impossible to be there, listen to that song sound better than I've ever heard, and better than it ever sounded in a cassette tape player, on the radio, or wherever and not think of BJ. How could I not?

So, do you think you can watch concerts from heaven? Well, if you can watch concerts, than you can probably smoke too, and if you can smoke you can probably have a drink as well. If that ends up being true (probably not) then I'm sure he BJ was there, with a Kool in one hand, a beer in the other, and dancing with the cholos.

Well, whatever - Anyhow....I'm just glad I was there, with my man, a Pepsi, my homies, and the thousands of drunkards.

Peeps

Even though I barely see anyone besides my immediate family, most of all my children - I think I have a rare disease. It is called - "talk to everyone you've ever met and meet new people way too much" disease.
With myspace, and facebook, it's way too easy to keep in contact with peeps. I think I take after my pops, in the sense that I K.I.T. with way too many people. I don't mind at all, in fact I'm always curious about peeps. I like peeps. What can I say? If I had more time, I'd probably fill up each day of the month hanging out with a different person, to just blab, gossip, and chillz.
I know almost every single person that lives on my block. I do have some favorites, that's for sure, but for being as social as I am, it seems like I barely ever even see anyone anymore.
There is though, one person I do see every once in awhile, who is my favorite - and that's M.M. (Monica M.)
I was thinking about her today after I woke up from this strange nightmare. She had nothing to do with the nightmare, but I thought about her.
She's been my Best Homey since Kindergarden - and that was 25 freakin years ago - or 26 now? I have no clue - but she has always been my best friend.
Anyhow... I was remembering that once she spent the night, and said to me - "let's try writing with our other hand". So, I took a pen, and started trying to write with my left hand.

It didn't go so well. I was writing like an idiot. Then... I said " monica - it's your turn".
So, she took the pen, grabbed it with her left hand and started writing.
"wow!!!!! You are SOOO good at that!" I couldn't believe that my best friend was ambidextrous. The only person I knew who could do that was my first grade teacher, and I was shocked.

A few minutes later, she was sitting on my bed, busting a gut, then told me she was left handed. And I was like " oh yeah, duh, I forgot". And all that time, I was sitting there trying to be as cool as she was, and attempting to learn the tricks of left hand writing. What a dork I am.

leezard

It's way too early in the morning, and way to late in the night.

Since I haven't done the dishes yet tonight, I have no idea what to blog about. Dishwashing is the only quiet activity I take part in on any given day, and while I stand there, washing, wondering, and whimpering, I tend to come up with an idea about what to write about.

I try to think up something that you might be interested in. According to comments (not posted on the blog), Nala and Simba (Celia's imaginary friends) were a little boring. I guess you are right. But doing dishes, and not knowing what to say can be even more boring.

All the things that interest me are not up for discussion. It would end up being gossip about my family or neighbors or friends, and then they'd read it and get mad at me or something.

Ok then. I just thought of something boring to write about. Here:

Yesterday we went again to the Observatory. We go to say hi to Hershel, the astronomer who stands outside along with Galileo and walk around. While we were walking, we saw a lizard. I was just messing around when tried to catch the little thing, and he didn't run away. So, I picked up this baby lizard and walked around with him. Celia named him "Celia". So, we took him home. The whole car ride, he just sat on my finger and didn't go anywhere. He didn't even look like he was dying. He was a little, baby, happy, lizard, who would look at me and wink. I'm serious!

So we got home and made him a home out of a pyrex bowl, put saran wrap on the top, poked holes in it, and gave him some plants, dirt, a caterpillar, a small bug, and a nice window view. For a few hours I would walk back to his new little home, and check up on "Celia". When I'd see him, he was either walking around, or licking the caterpillar. Well, after about the 6th time that I went to see him, he was gone. Effie had poked her finger through one of the airholes, making a big air hole, thus allowing Celia to escape. So... if you are at my house keep your eye open. I miss the little guy.

Nala and SImba

Some kids have an imaginary friend. Celia has 2. In fact they are not really imaginary in a way - they are her left and right hands. Nala used to be her right foot and Simba was her left, but she has transfered the friends into their new bodies, being her hands.

Whenever she's doing anything she talks to her friends, invites them to lunch, and makes sure they are scrubbed well when she washes before a meal. Nala and Simba actually have friends of their own, with names like Channy, and China. China came with us to the park today and didn't want to wake the magical wizard, so she had to go home.

This is all a bit strange to me, cuz I never had an imaginary friend. Maybe they are reserved for breastfed children. Who knows? I remember seeing shows about kids with made up amigos, and for awhile I recall wanting one so I'd have someone to talk to, but I just couldn't get the hang of it. I guess that's ok now, cuz I actually find myself talking to Celia's pals. It shows just how ridiculous I have become yet how social she really is, cuz she can't deal with only having "1" of these friends.

Today I took out Cathie's nail polish for Effie and she chose a cute little pink for her tiny little fingers. Celia took out Silver for SImba and Red for Nala. HAHAHA. What a weirdo she is.

On another note ( and by the way - the dishes are done, in case you were curious ) but Effie now has added about 10 more words to her vocabulary, and one of the words has 2 syllables. (Turtle) I'm very proud of her. Are you? She does this really funny thing now, where when she's in her car seat, I ask her questions and she turns her head and acts all shy, then she slowly moves only her eyeballs to look at me and gives a little sneaky smile. It's too funny.

It's 11:49pm and Monday is quickly approaching. For you suckas who are at work or working, have a great week and go outside and take a nice break. I'll be thinking of you.

Dun't Vurri, Be Hapski

Today after swim class with Effie, Alex found a wrapped, brand new, yet slightly wrinkled poster with Gorbachev wearing a pink happy face pin on his jacket, and on the bottom it says in funny fake russian letters "Dun't Vurri, Be Hapski". It's in the dining room and every time I pass it on the way to the kitchen, it warms my heart.

Speaking of the kitchen, I @(%*#%(*% Freakin HATE the dishes sometimes, but after they are done, all that anger seems to get mushed down the garbage disposal. My hatred of the dishes though led to another - flies. I just have to say today THAT I HATE FLIES. They ruined a perfectly lovely stir fried rice I made with shrimp, (that took me a very long time to peel, wash, and clean with my own hands), asparagus, broccoli, tofu, spices, love, onions, garlic, bbq pork spare ribs, and chicken! I put the leftovers (a lot) into a nice tupperware, and as usual I could not find the lid, so I covered it with foil... then an hour later, I was hungry for my wholesome masterpiece, and as I uncovered it, there were (#*$&(@#*$&@(#$*&#@$(*@&#$ LIKE 5 Mother Freakin Stupid UGLY DARK BLACK FLIES hanging out on it! They wouldn't even leave! They were stuck to the food! I was SO mad!!!!!! Where the HELL did they come from!!! ok ok, I know there was 1 @(#$*@(#$*& fly in the house before we went to the library, but when I came back they were having a party in my tupperware. I hate them. I hate the dumb ass fly who's life I spared before leaving my house, because he betrayed me and invited Larry, Joe, Moe, Dan, and Buster over for stir fry. The little bastards.

Ok, enough of that. The reason I decided to write - after washing dishes at almost 2am, was because I think it is important to share my philosophy. Here it is:

If you haven't eaten it in a week, and it's perishable - throw it away.
If you haven't used it or cared about it in a year, and it's not valuable - get rid of it.

With that said, tomorrow I will embark upon the task of getting rid of some things I hate seeing around my house. Like collections of plastic pencil sharpeners. Who needs 7? I'm getting antsy. And I really want my car washed. It's a hell hole. Note: If you have kids, your car will look like a trash can. (unless you forbid food, books, shoes, clothes, extra socks, strollers, yo-yo's, straws, pillows, markers, crayons, little hair monitos, cd's and cassette tapes from the car).

I know, I know, enough is enough. I'm gonna go to bed now, and wish Gorbey a Hapski good night.