Weaner

Attention: This is a little Rated R - so, if you have a problem reading about mammary glands then stop here.

Calm down already. I just had to. I had such a crappy blog session last time, that I couldn't pass up the chance to write about what happened yesterday.

And for those of you who don't know me as well as the others, well, I have a confession to make. Up until last night, at 3am, I was still a lactating human pacifier.

I should of known I was in for it as far as nursing was concerned when on our first trip to the pediatrician with Celia the doctor asked me:

"Ahh you nuh-sing da baby?"

"Yes", I said.

"Ohh.. Good! Good"

Then Alex but in.

"We were thinking on having our child nurse for 5 years. What do you recommend?"

"Rell, een some cont-wee, people nurse for maybe twee year or so, but in dis coun-wee, 1-2 year is fine."

I didn't even know how to respond. He actually thought Alex was serious, and I didn't feel like explaining his personality at that moment.

But back to my point: There. I said it. It was bound to happen sooner or later. All the leche/che che/milk/or as Effie called it: "ze ze" stories are too good not to write about. And possibly, some La Leche League mommy may do a google search about weaning, and this could help her. And for you - if you are not or have never lactated, this may be of no interest to you, but I don't care.

It's been almost 5 years now - including pregnancy with child #1 that the mammary glands began producing milk. That child #1 weaned at 23 months, and by 18 months was already saying to me "Other side please". Maybe that was a good sign that she was too old, but hey, the "ze ze" as Effie calls it - was my secret weapon. There's nothing like being able to put a kid to sleep instantly or shut them up like "ze ze" - and if you are cringing right now - like I said already: calm down. No one seems to have a problem when they see a 3 or 4 year old hanging out with a pacifier or a bottle, but you best believe watching a mama with a 1-2 year old kid nursing seems to offend some.

Just last year, when Effie was only 14 months I was nursing her, (and mind you, I was never revealing - in fact, the major downside to nursing was that it transformed the boobs I had back down to junior high school status, so there was never any kind of show going on) and someone said.

"You are still doing THAT!"

"Yeah- so what - she's still a baby"

"Well, I think she's way too old for that".

She was always a little big for her age, but hey, just this year the AAP (American Academy of Pediatrics) changed the recommendation time for nursing from 1 year to 2 - so THERE!

Anyway, despite complaints by people who were probably never breastfed themselves, I just dealt.

Celia's weaning came abruptly after she was throwing a mad, major, reckless tantrum in the car. I tried to sooth the little raging screamer, and it was a bad idea. She bit me so hard that she made me bleed. Ouch is right. From that moment on it was No More Che Che for Celia.

Last night, I just had enough with Effie. The kid is so freakin cute though. If you know her, you know what I'm talking about. She is the cutest thing ever. In fact, we thought she should be nursed a lot longer, cuz she can't even talk and still seems like a wittle bay-bee! And she was always so sweet about it.

Every day, whenever she'd need me, or had to take a nap, she'd say:

"mama. ze ze."

"ok fine - but give me a kiss first. Now kiss your sister. Give me a hug".

She'd obey each command and EVERY SINGLE TIME I began the process of moving her in - she'd start busting up with giddy baby laughter.

"hehehehehehehehe", she'd giggle, like a little sly baby.

But last night, I just couldn't hang anymore. She wanted ze ze all night, wouldn't detach, and I was exhausted.

3:00am. "Effie. Ze ze is bye bye. No more ze ze. Ze ze night night".

(No wonder she can barely speak. I talk to her like a cavemama)

Man, she cried all night. I'd walk her around, try to rock her to sleep, and every time we got back to the bed she'd freak. She was crying, begging for ze ze, pounding her own chest to show me what she wanted. I wanted to give in so bad for the little sucker, but I knew a few nights of torture, then like her sister, she'd just forget.

We were up all morning. I let her watch Dora from 5am - 8am just to make her calm. Every 20 minutes or so she'd say:

"mama? ze ze?"

All I could do was hold her and watch Dora. I couldn't even sleep. I felt so bad.

Today wasn't too bad, but while Effie, Celia, and I were playing duck duck goose in the middle of their room Effie did the sweetest thing.

She looked at me with that BIG BIG Effie grin, gave me a big kiss, gave Celia a BIG kiss, gave me a BIG hug, and looked at me with the cutest eyes I've ever seen and said: "ze ze?" I smiled at her, told her I loved her, and ignored her request and distracted her by calling "GOOSE" on her.

She fell asleep in the stroller tonight without my secret weapon, and an hour ago she woke up. I was dreading the moment I'd have to try to put her back to bed without ze ze, but when I walked in the room she was sitting up on the bed, and she jumped up at me, put her head down and just fell back asleep. I couldn't believe it. Oh well, I guess she gets it.

"ze ze went bye bye".